To the Aphids All Over My Potted Parsley

You aren't even eating it! Why are you making my Thoreauvian idyll so hard?!

Protein Shake

Cup of cold Throat Coat
Heaping heap of hemp (protein)
Spritz of spirulina
Several stalks celery
Leaves of kale
Persimmon (for piquancy)
Some other soft feminine fruit
Nibbles of cacao (an unniggardly amount)

Blend until blended.

Chef's note: Absolutely disgusting. Recommend omitting protein.